Best Thing to Come Out of Seattle Since Flannel: Coconut Coolouts Tour the States

Ready to party your behinds off? Ready to see a grown man in a dirty banana costume play some killer licks while one of two stand-up drummers sings songs about Pizza and Party Jail? Ready to have some friggin' fun? No standing around and crying to melancholia at a Coconut Coolouts show, no way. Just pure, bona-fide, shaking your booty good times. These guys blow my mind out of my head. Seeing them is so much fun, in fact, that strangers who I saw once at their show still yell at me when they pass on the street, just to ask if I know when and where they are coming back. No shit. But don't trust me. Trust the 'Nuts:

"Hey Boy, wanna laugh so hard the dust shoots out both nostrils? Wanna carve the bowls of hell on a cheese pizza? Can't skate? Guess you can van surf with Styles then, unless the vikes are too strong. Hidin' from the pigs in Dike Dale's Ponytail fingerpaintin' anarchy signs on your big brother's Elvis Costello record (the good one). The present sucks but no more than the future's gonna, so stuff everybody in that PARTY TIME MACHINE while flippin' the bird to the flux capacitor and setting the controls for LAST NIGHT. What!? We're outta whip cream cannisters? Then pass out some stand-up drums or just pass out, but you're gonna get some fully detailed Converse sharpied on yer feets and curlie pirate moustaches to match. (It matches). If you don't know who the COCONUT COOLOUTS are get an Orbitz ticket up to Seattle and watch them flush the other bands down the toilet of the FUNhouse, if only to realize what a miserable time you've been having show in and show out. Kinda like when that one babysitter (that only got to babysit once) let you stay up till your parents climbed up the driveway to mull over all the Whoppers (not the burger) and Suicides (Pepsi/Sprite/Dr. Pepper/Orange) and hot dogs ampin' up your brain while trippin' out on how awesome the F-word was in the Breakfast Club."

These guys are nuts. Crazyawesomefuntimesalwayshighfive nuts. I'd even go so far as to bet you $15 million dollars that you will have fun if you go see them on this tour. Fif-teen-million-bucks.

Tourdates:
07.09.09 - Seattle, WA - The Funhouse
07.10.09 - Portland, OR - Slabtown
07.11.09 - Davis/Sacramento, CA - TBA
07.12.09 - Oakland, CA - The Cereal Factory (afternoon)
07.12.09 - San Francisco, CA - The Hemlock
07.13.09 - Los Angeles, CA - The Smell
07.14.09 - Phoenix, AZ - Monitor House
07.15.09 - Las Cruces, NM - Bacon House
07.16.09 - Austin, TX - Red 7
07.17.09 - New Orleans, LA - TBA
07.18.09 - Orlando, FL - Will’s Pub (FLA IS DYING DANCE PARTY)
07.19.09 - Orlando, FL - Rich’s Backyard BBQ and SHOTGUN PARTY!!!
07.20.09 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
07.21.09 - Raleigh/Chapel Hill/Durham, NC - TBA
07.22.09 - Baltimore, MA or Washington, DC - TBA
07.23.09 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda's
07.24.09 - Brooklyn, NY - TBA
07.25.09 - New York, NY - TBA
07.26.09 - Pittsburgh, PA - Gooski’s
07.27.09 - Detroit, MI - TBA
07.28.09 - Chicago, IL - Cobra... PIZZAFEST '09
07.29.09 - Milwaukee, WI - TBA
07.30.09 - Minneapolis, MI - TBA
12.31.10 - The Grand Canyon, USA

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