Black Keys Drummer Starts Side Band Called Drummer; As a Result, Phil Collins Forced to Rename Autobiography to Douchebag

Jimi Hendrix could have just named himself Guitar and totally gotten away with it. Freddy Mercury could have ditched Queen and started a group called Good Voice without eliciting so much as a blush. Mick Jagger could’ve gone solo in the mid-60s as Very Skinny Man and still would’ve ended up a legend. But no, your heroes were all cowards. They macked the rep, but lacked the sack to call themselves exactly what they damn well were: extraordinary people who could penetrate the regular man’s soul through skillful manipulation of a common object. Instead, they cowered behind sobriquets and wasted their careers as “The Experience” or “The Stones” when they could have been caressed in the light of straightforward arrogance. In the end, only The Band had the brass to tell every other musician to fuck off right from the get go.

In such intimate company does The Black Keys’ skin-slapper Patrick Carney now find himself. Along with a few pals from bands like Teeth of the Hydra and The Six Parts Seven, Carney and company are Drummer, the band. Could this be a power play? Is Carney seeking what so many before him were too craven to pursue: worldwide domination over a particular instrument? Will he be percussion’s Galactus, devouring any who dare challenge his dominion? Probably not.

With the band’s cheekily titled debut Feel Good Together due to drop September 29, Drummer looks more like a band about friends having fun than some sinister musical coup. While I hold no ire towards bros being bros, I can’t help but be disappointed. I wanted war. I wanted bloodshed. Now I’ll just have to settle with an album and an October tour. Oh well, I guess some metaphorical battles were never meant to be fought.
10.08.09 - Brooklyn, NY – Southpaw #
10.09.09 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s #
10.10.09 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge #
10.11.09 - Cambridge, MA - T.T. the Bear’s #
10.12.09 - Washington, DC - DC9 #
10.13.09 - Baltimore, MD - The Ottobar #
10.14.09 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506 #
10.15.09 - Knoxville, TN - The Pilot Light #
10.16.09 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl #
10.17.09 - Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge #
10.19.09 - Louisville, KY - Skull Alley #
10.20.09 - Indianapolis, IN - Spin Nightclub #
10.21.09 - Madison, WI - High Noon Saloon #
10.22.09 - Minneapolis, MN - 7th Street Entry #
10.23.09 - Chicago, IL - Schubas Tavern #
10.24.09 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom # †
#with The Royal Bangs

† Other Girls

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