Dear Bryan,
I am 15 years old and have a sickening habit of chewing the inside of
my mouth and also my tongue. I have tried everything to get myself to
stop, but the problem keeps coming back! I'm worried that it may gross
a guy out when I kiss him. What can I do to stop?
--Chewed in Chicago
Chewed,Dear Mr. Ferry,I contacted a dermatologist who described your habit as something
similar to nail biting. Becoming aware of when and why you chew is the
first step toward change. A second step is to go ahead and purchase my
new album that comes out in March. You see, Chewed, I recorded some of my favorite Bob Dylan songs and wanted to share them with people just like you! I mean, heck, have you ever heard of a "chewer" listening to Dylan? Nope! If that doesn't work, I'd suggest investing in a pack or
two of sugar-free gum.Regards,
Bryan
Last weekend I got a tongue piercing in a moment of insanity, and
without the permission of my parents. I feel so bad about it and
regret my decision. I'm also really scared because my tongue is
starting to turn yellowish, and sometimes there's this sticky blood in
the back that doesn't rub off. I urgently need your advice. Is there a
way to tell my parents without making them angry or grounding me?
--Pierced in Pasadena
Pierced,First of all, show your parents some respect and let them know you got
a piercing. Parents can be difficult (oh boy how I know!) but deep
down they want you to be safe and healthy. At the very least, they
will be able to arrange to get you to an appropriate physician, and if
they're the kind of parents who love you, they might even go ahead
and buy you a couple tickets to go see... well, me, of course!
Sometimes laughter is the best medicine, and nothing spells out
laughter like a warmhearted performance in the United Kingdom by yours
truly. If that still isn't enough to heal your tongue, try to loosen
it up by repeating the following: "A brand new Roxy Music album will
also be released sometime in 2007." Try that a few times at varying
speeds and you'll be healed in no time. If you continue to feel pain
after no time, please buy another tour ticket.Cordially yours,
Bryan
