Charli XCX announces new album titled Sucker, almost definitely offending my 7th-grade gym teacher

Charli XCX announces new album titled Sucker, almost definitely offending my 7th-grade gym teacher

We all experienced the cruelties of seventh-grade gym class at some point in our lives. Hopefully it was during seventh grade, but look, I’m not here to judge anyone’s life choices. I’m just here to report the news that Charli XCX has announced a new album to follow up last year’s True Romance. I only bring up seventh-grade gym class because, well, I just know my old gym teacher Mr. Jonard is going to be pissed when he finds out what it’s called.

See, every guy who went to my school knows about the “suck” speech. It usually occurs within the first couple gym classes of the year. Somebody gets frustrated and says what we’re all thinking: “This sucks.” Mr. Jonard hears, he orders an indiscriminate amount of push-ups from the offender, and then gives a speech about how we’ll never use that word in that way because it’s impudent and derives from “suck my dick,” and how that goes for phrases like “suck it” and words like “sucker” as well. And everyone just kind of stands around uncomfortably trying not to laugh at the kid who got caught saying it as he struggles through his 50th push-up. Sucker.

Which brings me to the title of Charli XCX’s new album. It’s called Sucker, and it’s coming out on October 21 via Neon Gold/Atlantic. Now, Mr. Jonard, if you’re reading this, don’t be too quick to fly off the handle and order Charli XCX to do some push-ups. I’ve consulted the Oxford English Dictionary on the word “sucker” and there are a lot of different ways she could be using it. For all you know, Sucker is going to be a concept album about a person living in Illinois (yes that is apparently a real usage of it, or was in the mid-1800s). I’m just saying words can take on many different meanings and maybe you shouldn’t assume intent until you hear some of the music. Take a listen to the track below and decide for yourself. It’s called… “Break the Rules.” Oh. Well, I’m sure it’s not as impudent as the title might imply. Uh, here: about the song, Charli told Buzzfeed, “I spent about a month making a punk record and covering songs by Swedish punk bands like Snuffed By The Yakuza and stuff. This song was written when I came out of the other side of that punk phase and translated it into something more pop. Obviously, it’s about not giving a fuck.” Oh…

Eh, whatever. Suck it fools.

• Charli XCX:
• Neon Gold:

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