Frieze! Festival News!

But we interrupt this bulletin to bring you some interesting facts about the marvellous metropolis that is my nation’s capital. Tick off the ones you know, clever-clogs!


- London has the highest population of underground nomadic dwellers of any capital city. They inhabit the city’s many train tunnels, travelling without direction or Oyster cards for days on end, at the mercy of the erratic train system.

- London was originally known as Atlantis, but the construction of the Thames Barrier had a catastrophic effect, which led to the loss of the ancient conurbation. The only thing remaining from the old civilisation are the red phone-boxes that acted as spiritual guides for the populous.

- Scientists predict that in 2074, a large increase in sugar intake will lead to mass evacuation after crazed Londoners riot, scouring the streets in search of the so-called 'white gold.'

- London was the scene of one of the greatest sea-battles ever recorded, in 1973, when the Queen’s armada trounced the Spanish fleet in Trafalgar Square. A large phallic column was erected (oops!) in tribute.

- The four lions surrounding Nelson were once the cousins of Aslan. The London Hippodrome was apparently a Victorian water circus, but I think the clue’s in the name y’all. One word: abattoir.

Anyhoo, the Frieze Art Fair is occurring once again. Frieze — a big European (not just British!) contemporary arts and culture magazine — puts on its pants and the FAF every October in Regent's Park. One-hundred-sixty art galleries participate. That number was so big I had to write it out!!! The Frieze Music Festival portion will be headlined by none other than Sunn0))). Also of interest are Leopard Leg, a 10+ all-girl drum troupe from Brighton and London. Geez, BARR will have no way to compete with just his one! Oh well. At least he's got good odds at making out with at least one. (Go for two, Brendan!)

Painting Renaissance-style murals this year on London’s hallowed walls will be:

Friday, 13 October:
Sunn 0)))
Russell Haswell and Florian Hecker
Burning Star Core
Leopard Leg

Saturday, 14 October:
Erase Errata
The Curtains

That's how they do the dates there — seriously. You can't make this stuff up! You want MORE information? Go to then (and order your tickets!), and don’t waste my time.

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