Can’t a guy spend a nice late spring day sitting outside eating a ham and mayo sandwich while digging into his summer reading list without being forced to imagine a banquet stocked with the finest foods and wines being suddenly covered in a layer of sticky white fluid not entirely dissimilar to the delicious stuff he earlier slathered on the very ham and mayo sandwich that is currently on its way toward his mouth hole? I GUESS NOT.
If my rhetorical flourishes have not made it absolutely clear, the above-mentioned guy is me, and I just now heard tell of the latest Humanbeast record which is, believe it or not, called Venus Ejaculates into the Banquet. Now, I know Roman gods are all about “running amok” and “what have you,” but this is a bridge too far. Was there not, I don’t know, a sock or pair of old boxers around? Come on Venus, get your shit together. Some of us are eating.
Anyway, the Humanbeast record is out July 16 on Load Records, and you can stream the first single below. It’s called “Chandelier” as in, “the chandelier that Venus was swinging from all Errol Flynn-style as she ejaculated straight into everyone’s wine goblet.”
Humanbeast are also touring the US starting in June with Russian Tsarlag and they’ve advised concertgoers to bring condoms or ponchos. The most complete currently available listing of dates is below, but the band will add more as they arise on their blog.
Dates:
06.04.13 - Providence, RI - Dungeon C @ (Humanbeast Record Release Show)
06.06.13 - Toronto, ON - Double Double Land
06.08.13 - Chicago, IL - Situations #
06.10.13 - Minneapolis, MN - House of Rock and Roll Science $
06.11.13 - Iowa City, IA - TBA
06.12.13 - St. Louis, MO - Apop %
06.13.13 - Kansas City, MO - TBA &&
06.14.13 - Denver, CO - Rhinoceropolis
06.18.13 - Olympia, WA - TBA $$
06.19.13 - Portland, OR - Multiplex
06.21.13 - Sacramento, CA - TBA %%
06.22.13 - Oakland, CA - The Church
06.23.13 - San Francisco, CA - Division of Labor Fest
06.24.13 - Los Angeles, CA - Not Not Fun
06.25.13 - Los Angeles - Mata ##
06.27.13 - Phoenix, AZ - Trunkspace
06.29.13 - Austin, TX - TBA *
07.01.13 - Chattanooga, TN - Human Conduct Records
07.02.13 - Asheville, NC - Apothecary
07.03.13 - Carrboro, NC - Quantum Instability &
07.04.13 - Baltimore, MD - The Bank
07.05.13 - New York, NY - TBA @@
@ Angels in Amerca, SHV
# Andy Ortman, Bomb Banks
$ Mar Harbrine, Prostate
% Larva, Ghost Ice
& Mark Van Fleet, Bad News
* BabyaspirinDVD
@@ Jane Pain
## Pedestrian Deposit, Unmanned
$$ Thee Source Ov Fawnation
%% Screature
&& Drew
• Humanbeast: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Humanbeast/162383830480520
• Load: http://loadrecords.com
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