Listen up, all you hep cats and paper shakers, cause I sure got a scoop for you! A little birdie just told me about a boss new kick you can snatch up in all the malted shoppes and gas-go-getters ‘round town. They’re called vinyl record album LPs, and let me tell ya, these babies are definitely the most spread on some toast! All you have to do is hop in your cherriest flip-top, knock those wheels on over to your local music emporium, or maybe Best Buy (TMT News), and pick up a recording by whichever guitar-fister beats those keys just the way you want it!
Personally, I like these new cubes from around Ohio way’s. Ya know, them fruits with the red hats. Those squares who make the tunes about outer space and questions and stuff... Devo! Uh huh, that’s the cats! I hear the MVD Entertainment Group are putting out (wish my girl would do the same thing! Hey hey!) a record of four previously unreleased versions of that old chart-buster they had, "Watch Us Work It." Yep, the same tune those no good wet rags sold to Dell computers and was always on the television set when I was trying to watch Andy Griffith. I know I’ve probably heard that song enough times to give Eisenhower an ulcer, but I just have to know how else they’re gonna perform it, ya know! You think they’ll add a Clavioline solo? Jesus fucking Christ, I hope they do!
Speaking of fucking Jesus Christ, it looks like those palookas at MVD are re-releasing some albums by a big pack of bozos, too. Guy who goes by the name of GG Allin is putting out some record called Freaks, Faggots, Drunks and Junkies, and as long as he ain’t one of the first, second, or fourth things, I bet we’ll get along just fine. I mean, me and my old man get on alright, and unfortunately he’s number three through and through... I’ll be here whenever you want a son, Dad...
Anyway, MVD’s also re-releasin’ Beyond the Valley of 1984 by Wendy O. Williams and The Plasmatics for anyone who actually thinks some broad can actually be a rock and roller. Please! Next you’ll be telling me any dumb doll could be President! Rounding out the lineup of dorks, freaks, and the skirt comes The Dwarves in a limited-edition 10-inch record featuring these greasy punks performing live on KSZU Stanford on the first side and lead singer Blag Dahlia covering AC/DC’s "Big Balls" and the Ramones’ "The KKK Took My Baby Away," along with a few originals on the second side. So go on out and buy this bullcrap with whatever nuggets you got lying around your room. Meanwhile, I’ll be listening to "Watch Us Work It" over and over again until my dad gets home. I hope he never comes home...
