A few weeks ago, we were talking about Radiohead for one reason or another, and I mentioned Thom Yorke. My friend's face looked completely puzzled. You mean, "Thom" Yorke, right? I told him, "No, it's pronounced just like ‘Tom.’ " His face looked horrified.

"I've been going to parties and various places my whole life saying ‘Th-om’ Yorke. Everyone must hate me," he said.

"Yes, everyone probably thinks you are a douche," I told him.

He was giving me those puppy-dog eyes, so I decided to refrain from being an asshole myself. I told him I'd let him in on the best and freshest Radiohead-related news I had. So, I says to him, I says:

You may know Jonny Greenwood (not to be confused with this guy), multi-instrumentalist and lead guitarist of Radiohead, but you may not know Jonny Greenwood The Composer. Greenwood will premiere his award-winning piece Popcorn Superhet Receiver (not to be confused with this song) in the U.S. early next year. The performance will be presented by the Wordless Music Orchestra and take place at the Church of St. Paul The Apostle in New York on January 16 and 17 of 2008.

Popcorn Superhet Receiver is a piece that was aptly inspired by radio static and dissonant chords of Polish composer Penderecki's Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima. It won the Listener's Award at 2006's British Composer Awards. The Wordless Music series will continue with future presentations by Müm, Beirut, and Do Make Say Think.

My friend said that my "insider" news was pure shit, so he stabbed me in my testicles with a mechanical pencil.