This is a news story about Apple acquiring Shazam.

This is a news story about Apple acquiring Shazam.
This image is straight-up STOLEN from CNN.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD: the rumors are true! Shazam has been acquired by Apple for $400 million. While the song-identifying app was valued at $1 billion during its last funding round (I would’ve put it at $1.1 billion, but whatever), the app apparently only made $54 in revenue in 2016. Haha! Very pathetic. TMT makes $54 in just over a month!

Oh wait, $54 million?? Serious?? That’s fucking crazy, especially for an app that SUCKS!

Anyway, we reached out to a press rep at Shazam to get a quote. No reply. I don’t think they even opened the email because we didn’t get a read receipt. We also tried to reach out to Apple, but we have no contacts at all there. And contacting customer support didn’t help either. They thought my name was Tony Micksson!

So I guess this is the end of the news post?

Stay tuned for more investigative journalism from your #1 source for news: Tiny Mix Tapes. Meanwhile, here’s the video for “Street Spirit” by Radiohead:

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