North Korea May Be Preparing for a 2nd Nuclear Test, But Did You Hear That Scarlett Johansson Will Cover Tom Waits?

You considered your mind blown after you watched The Island alone in your room with no clothes on, giggling to yourself, saying, "Wow, this actually is a great movie, but I can't tell anyone."

Yes, Scarlett Johansson has often been the culprit to guilty pleasures, such as North, Home Alone 3, and the pornographic classic My Brother the Pig, but now Miss Johansson is adding something shocking to that list. In fact, it is so shocking that I almost pissed my pants when I heard the news. Luckily, I received a catheter for my birthday, and everything went as smooth as jelly.

Fox News, the most trusted name in news among people too lame for TMT, broke the scandalous story that Johansson will be releasing a debut album compiled of Tom Waits tunes. Slated for 2007, the record will be aptly titled Scarlett Sings Tom Waits and distributed by Atco Records, a resurrected branch of Rhino. It is also official that everyone at Fox News should quit their job. Let's face it: there is nothing left to report. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan sure could have learned a lesson from Scarlett. You don't have to make an album of your own material. Why not just blatantly desecrate a legend? There is still no word from Waits himself over the "breaking news," but I'm sure he'll get an advance copy, listen to it alone in his room, giggling to himself, "Wow, this is actually a great cover album, but I can't tell anyone."

So I'm going to go ahead and jump courageously out on a limb and say that TMT will be giving this album a 5/5 or beyond. And in case you were patiently wondering, the answer is yes! For the perverts, meaning daily readers, of TMT: Johansson's boobs will be singing a duet on the album. Start bugging your local record store now, folks. This is going to be huge!

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