R. Kelly tells y’all to “shut up and ride my soula coaster!”

R. Kelly tells y'all to "shut up and ride my soula coaster!"

If there’s one thing that’s bound to break my self-imposed exile so I could play the new Elder Scrolls game, it’s news about R. Kelly. No really, whether he realizes it or not, the man is somewhat of an accidental genius. Who else besides R. Kelly would devote the time and effort required to produce a 22-chapter mini-drama based off of the ludicrous epic Trapped in the Closet (a series that is still to be continued…)? Who else but R. Kelly would dare call their co-penned autobiography Soula Coaster: The Diary of Me? And who else but R. Kelly would make a comeback from a brief hiatus due to emergency throat surgery and instantly pen a song addressing all of his “haters” (as if he’s relevant enough to have haters anymore)?

The hilariously informal “Shut Up” hit the internet last night, a song in which R. Kelly runs through a list of grievances directed toward all the haters out there who think R. Kelly is nothing but a washed up artist (how could he be? He still isn’t finished with the Trapped in the Closet saga). There’s plenty of that classic R. Kelly delivery in the song, such as in the way he just blurts out “Well let’s get right to it/ People saying I’m washed up” and the way he soulfully croons “In my hospital bed/ Crying mad tears/ Woo woo”. The chorus is undoubtedly the best part of the entire song, when R. Kelly’s entire argument against his haters boils down to “Tell ‘em shut up/ Tell ‘em shut up/ Tell ‘em shut up, shut up” (Incineration! You are the insult master!)

Also, the R. Kelly autobiography is due to be out Spring 2012. I guess the apocalypse is just gonna have to wait.

• R. Kelly: http://www.r-kelly.com

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