RIAA Cuts Employees, Internet Dies Laughing Smugly

Remember in Robert Zemeckis’ 1988 classic Who Framed Roger Rabbit? when Bob Hoskins performs such a sidesplitting slapstick routine that it leads to the deaths of five animated weasels? You do? Awesome! Now, as long as your imagination has got that scene queued up, replace Bob Hoskins with roughly 30 (possibly 100+) soon-to-be jobless RIAA employees, and swap the weasels’ hysterical laughter with a holier-than-thou yet distinctively insecure cackle and turn their zoot suits into “Chocolate Rain” t-shirts. Congratulations! You now have a reasonably accurate visual representation of the internet’s capacity for sensitivity and compassion, except in this scenario the weasels don’t die, they just keep laughing and laughing and £4µ9h1n9 forevermore.

Now I could be wrong, but I suspect that not every RIAA staffer has a curly mustache, a few yards of rope, and easy access to railroad tracks. Even though these layoffs will cut a swath through some anti-piracy units, I imagine most of the jerkoffs who make all the jerkoff decisions will stay put in their high positions. There have yet to be any specifics about what types of jobs are being cut, but maybe, just maybe, the RIAA’s heart grew three sizes bigger and they’re downsizing every key member of their anti-piracy staff. But back here in reality, it’s more likely they’re ditching secretaries and bean counters who don’t have much say in the organization’s policy.

So, quit laughing when people lose their livelihood, internet, because once this economy kicks you in the beanbag, I doubt that Karma is gonna reward you with that job in Doritos’ quality assurance department you’ve always dreamed of.

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