Ryan Adams, a Reasonable Man, Plans American Tour with Oasis, a Group of Sensible Gentlemen, For a Temperate, Exceedingly Composed Trip Completely Free of Big Egos and Even Bigger Drinking Binges. Honest!

In a recent interview with the tastemakers at Rolling Stone, singer, songwriter, and complainer Ryan Adams lamented about a recent comment from former Replacements frontman and far-better-Minnesota-Senatorial-candidate-than-Al-Franken Paul Westerberg, who said, “Someone should knock [the complainer Ryan Adams’] teeth out.” Mr. Adams, always glad to oblige the media with his incessant bitching, claimed, “I left home because of things like that. I can't listen to his music again, ever."

Well, Ryan, if positive reinforcement and a criticism-free environment is what you so desperately crave, boy oh boy have you made a strange touring decision! In support of his new album Cardinology (TMT Review), Ryan Adams will be opening for those lugubrious lads from Wankchester Oasis, and if they’re known for one thing, it’s intense disagreeability! But here’s the real cosmic question, ya’ll: When two groups of such meteoric assholes collide, will their catastrophic wake leave an unforeseen landscape of gorgeous celestial brilliance Einstein only dared dream of on especially comfortable nights, or will their unholy union surely rain brimstone upon a waiting Earth and bring on the fabled end of days? There’s only one way to find out, and that means you’ll actually have to buy a ticket for an Oasis concert. Or you could do something much cooler with your time instead, like read a book on pressing flowers or get a head start on your tax return. The choice is yours!

* Oasis

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