The Shins announce some tourdates and purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle! Wait, no… sign with Columbia Records. Boring!

The Shins announce some tourdates and purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle! Wait, no... sign with Columbia Records. Boring!

ATTENTION FOOLS: The Shins (a.k.a. James Mercer and whomever-the-hell-else-besides Danger Mouse) are finally coming back from the plane of high pop consciousness for your uncatchy mortal souls. They trust that you will willingly pick up where you left off like four or five years ago and ADORE THE FUCK OUT OF THEM. Never mind where your pathetic and underdeveloped musical tastes have wandered in the interim. Mercer is great, and he knows and forgives your weaknesses. But please take the next few days to get these discretions back in line, or he will not hesitate to destroy you with one of his piercing, sullen, bearded half-glowers.

Your presence is required at the geographically and temporally nearest upcoming Shins performance. The performers will include singer/songwriter Richard Swift, Modest Mouse drummer Joe Plummer, Yuuki Matthews of Crystal Skulls, and singer/songwriter Jessica Dobson, and you will pretend that they have always been in The Shins, applauding them thoroughly (but not with more warmth than that with which you will applaud Mercer). You will bring the following items to your designated performance: your Mercer-approved earplugs so that you don’t miss any important frequencies; all of your hopes, dreams, and affections; enough money for a Shins t-shirt, vinyl copy of Oh, Inverted World, and Broken Bells tote bag. During the performance, you will not do any of the following things: exit the floor to obtain alcohol at the expense of missing a slow song; use the restroom; bring up a certain film from the early 2000s (or any popular lines from it) whose name we will not dignify by uttering here; sing along on top of Mercer with your own shrill, disagreeable voice.

Additionally, in conjunction with this tour, you are required to get re-excited about the news that Mercer has been working on a new Shins album for some time now with producer Greg Kurstin (yes, from Geggy Tah), a new Shins album that will be released next year on Mercer’s Aural Apothecary label and Columbia Records. Be advised that this album will ______ your life. That is all for now. Go in peace. So says I.


08.08.11 - Eugene, OR - W.O.W. Hall
08.09.11 - Bend, OR - The Domino Room
08.10.11 - Portland, OR - The Doug Fir Lounge
08.12.11 - San Francisco, CA - Outside Lands Festival
09.22.11 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theatre
09.23.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Popped! Festival
09.24.11 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club
10.15.11 - Pensacola, FL - DeLuna Festival

• The Shins:
• Columbia:

Most Read