Congratulations! You’ve just found out that California-based noise/black metal terror squad Sutekh Hexen have put pretty much all of their discography up for free download off their website (according to their Facebook, they’ll be adding more releases as they go out of print). You’ve decided to take the plunge. You’re going to download everything you don’t already have! You’ve followed them throughout their career, looking on with great longing at releases such as 2013’s Become EP and Monument of Decay, and now you’re ready to start a family of your very own. This is an exciting time, but it can also be a stressful one. Fortunately for you, countless years of wisdom are available at your fingertips from people just like you who have made this very same life choice.
Knowing just what to expect when you’re filling your hard drive with sounds of the inky black abyss creeping up on our limpid human lives can be tough. But I can guarantee you won’t be sleeping much for the first few months! It’s great to try to plan out a sleep schedule for yourself and anyone else who will be helping to tend to your little bundle of death and destruction, but remember that you’ll have to be flexible as the little beast that your hard drive is becoming issues forth its clammy wails throughout the night. Remember, too, that your little one will be growing quickly. It may be a small portable hard drive filled with Lil B MP3s today, but soon enough its tentacular girth will be too large to see all at once! And of course you’ve surely been warned about the messes. To be sure, every child of the ultimate heat death of the universe is different, but I’d be willing to bet you’ll want to go ahead and invest in one or two industrial-strength pressure washers, and even a Hazmat suit or two if you can find them. You can never be too prepared! And, finally, above all, never forget that God is dead, and that the year is one. Good luck with your new family!
• Sutekh Hexen: http://www.sutekhhexen.org
More about: Sutekh Hexen
