Warner Music to Buy Now-Defunct Death Row Records, the Latter of Which Are Regretting That Name Choice

Remember when we were scared of the major record labels forming one huge conglomerate and sucking the life out of every profitable recording artist? These days, it's more like a melting blob, eating little people as it flails around the city, trying to survive. (I watch a lot of bad horror movies.)

For example: Warner Music has announced its intent to purchase the remaining assets of Death Row Records, which went under once the CEO spent a little too much time in the clink. Death Row filed for bankruptcy after Marion "Suge" Knight's excessive absences, and Warner swooped in on the upcoming auction with an initial bid to the tune of $25 billion. Want a 2Pac-alicious back catalogue for your very own? Beat that bid by a million or more on April 11, and you're all set. Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre can also be your very own for this nice price... come on, you know you want to. Besides, all Warner Music is gonna do is milk the shit out of these new assets until too many people start protesting the 2Pac Beanie Babies in Wal-Mart. You laugh now...

Most Read