Okay, if I’m remembering it right, and this is how my high school chem teacher told it sophomore year, the joke has it that Heisenberg is driving down the freeway. He has no destination, no trepidation. Foot on the pedal, mind on the asphalt, he’s in it for the ride. Tires roll, they don’t care where they’re going, why should he. It’s only once he is pulled aside that he loses steam, totally deflated. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew just how fast he was moving and Heisenberg responds: “No, but I knew exactly where I was.”
I don’t know if I’m being totally clear, but maybe this is something like what Lily Konigsberg (Lily & Horn Horse, Palberta, Eyes of Love) is getting at when she sings, “the point is not exactly where I am the point is what I’m not.” It has to do with losing that sense of self-at-present, or even just losing the sense of security that you have not yet lost yourself at present. My mind drifts to Brian Wilson: “My folks when I wrote them told ‘em what I was up to said that’s not me. I went through all kinds of changes took a look at myself and said that’s not me.” If the speaker’s I is the one writing, and the speaker’s I is the one changing, how can that I not be me? Maybe if the present is a crack, maybe if the photo, journal, letter, or song just isn’t a mirror.
4 picture tear is Konigsberg’s new EP and I’m so happy to share with you her video for “7 smile” off of it. Take a look. These songs came about following period where Konigsberg felt she was really losing herself. For a few days, an older photo of herself only pulled tears. The person in it, she thought, had left, wasn’t coming back. I don’t know Konigsberg well but it’s really refreshing to hear this new work and know that what I have known of her is alive and well.
That’s why Konigsberg’s line (“the point is not exactly where I am the point is what I’m not”), sits just right. It could be a broken admission let out with a tear of frustration and defeat, or it could be an affirmation, a reminder to stay grounded, to not slip away and lose definition: Wherever you might think you are, there are still things that you’re definitely not. Sometimes reflections fail to take us home, sometimes photo strips remind us who we’re with, who we’ve been, and where we went. Sometimes that reminder, that distance, isn’t bad, just different.
More about: Lily & Horn Horse, Lily Konigsberg, Palberta
