So get this. Here I am at the TMT offices, minding my own business, watching The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask walk-through videos on YouTube, right? Typical Monday. And who walks in but fucking Squeo, the goddamn geriatric, suspenders-wearing, cigar-smoking News Editor who still wears his high school class ring all the time. And here he is in my office pointing his smoldering cigar all in my face, and he’s all like like: “Nobodaddy, Black Dice just announced some shit, and I need you to polish up a gem on it toot-sweet! What a scoop!” So I say “sure thing, boss; you can count on me” but internally I’m all like: ugh, really? Black Dice?? On a Monday??? I was just about to find out how to get the Bunny Hood from Romani Ranch so that I could use its powers to run faster across Termina on-foot in order to stop the moon from falling from the sky and crushing Clocktown by the end of the Third Day because of that spell that the Skull Kid put on it when he was possessed by Majora’s Mask!. Again, I should stress that this was all internal.
Anyway, so I’m like, “what ‘shit’ did they announce, boss?” And he’s pretty excitable, so he’s twitching and gesticulating and getting cigar ashes all over my little Formica-top desk when he explains, “Well, they just used a new-fangled doohickey called Soundcloud to share the opening track “Pinball Wizard” from their upcoming full-length Mr. Impossible, which is hitting the streets April 10 in the US and April 9 in all them communist countries on that-there Ribbon Music label! What’s more, they big North American tour in store, which they’re calling they, uh, ‘Electronic Mind Monsters Reader 2012’ tour or something It’s hot stuff, just came in off the wires this morning. Priority one, Nobodaddy! Mr P wants it yesterday!” So I just kinda jot down what he’s saying and nod, trying to seem oblivious to the billowing curls of pungent cigar smoke that are slithering out to all corners of my shit little office. Without looking up from my notepad, I mumble some shit like “What about those Legend of Zelda reports you wanted, Squeo?” And he doesn’t miss a fucking beat. “Oh, no, definitely do those first.”
Black Dice:
04.07.12 - Brooklyn, NY - Living Bread (album release show)
05.03.12 - Boston, MA - Blue Triangle
05.04.12 - Montreal, Quebec - Il Motore
05.05.12 - Toronto, Ontario - Polyhaus
05.06.12 - Detroit, MI - PJ’s Lager House
05.07.12 - Chicago, IL - The Bottom Lounge
05.08.12 - Minneapolis, MN - Cedar Cultural Center
05.11.12 - Seattle, WA - Seattle Tavern
05.12.12 - Portland, OR - YU Contemporary
05.14.12 - San Francisco, CA - The Lab
05.15.12 - Los Angeles, CA - Eagle Rock Center for Arts
05.18.12 - Austin, TX - Red 7
05.19.12 - Dallas, TX - Sons of Hermann Hall
05.20.12 - New Orleans, LA - One Eyed Jacks
05.22.12 - Atlanta, GA - 529
05.23.12 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506
05.24.12 - Washington, DC - U Street Music Hall
05.25.12 - Philadelphia, PA - Emoda Warehouse
05.26.12 - New York, NY - Secret Project Robot
• Black Dice: http://www.blackdice.net
• Ribbon Music: http://ribbonmusic.com
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