Witch Craze [CS; Entertainment Systems]

Now that German Army actually are occupying their own tape pile in my submissions rubric it only makes sense that they’ve started to push their side projects a bit more, including Final Cop and, as is pertinent to this review, Q///q. Witch Craze is not only a fitting addition to the GeAr canon, it’s one of the best, most well equipped worlds they’ve ever created in the realm of music, all bubbly digi-bass lines, scenic synth memories, and beats colder/clammier than an old bowling trophy in a frigid room. I don’t dance but I feel like I could if a few of these tunes started snaking from speakers at a pizza joint somewhere. Hell if all these losers can make hundreds of thousands pressing buttons in the EDM scene shouldn’t artists like Peter Kris and Norm Heston be able to at least make a modest living off their incredibly prolific brain trust? Nope, it’s all about standing up in front of tons of people and hyping yourself up like a pro-life pig, so these fellows aren’t invited. Yet I can guarantee their music will endure long after the _____ of the world (sorry, don’t know who these EDM bastards even are) have cashed their last huuuge check. Witch Craze might actually be the ONLY thing left of us once we’ve used up all our resources and wasted all our water on lawns and elaborate fountains. A group of extraterrestrial investigators will search under clusters of rocks and find one, pure, undamaged artifact of an era gone wrong and oh GOD, what a great representation of humanity! I’d suggest that, once they locate a cassette player or conjure one from an elicitor tube (which I officially just coined; patent-pending), they play “Love Least” first, not because it’s the best song on this tape but because it’s the least-German Army song of the bunch and opens up whole new portals of joy for those who are wondering where the prolific outfit will climb next. And who knows, maybe it actually is the best fuggin’ song; I find it impossible to play favorites when the standard of quality is so high. But for reals, I’m enthralled head-to-toe by Q///q and their junior effort Witch Craze (after a CD-r and CD on Beko in 2013 and 2014, respectively), an effort so well-rounded and -sharpened you won’t even be surprised when it slices off your head.


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